Venting again (choose to ignore if you wish)

For a while, I've been able to keep a cheery mood. I've always tried to look at the finer things in life. Trying not to let the little things get me. That being said, something have been on my mind for a VERY long time

I've met a variety of artists on here, on facebook, on skype, and in real life. I usually consider a lot of them to be my friends, since they seem to be interested in the same things I'm into. Some ever support my goals in continuing my manga and even loaned me money when I was desperate. But then there have been times when it wasn't the case. Where some just wanted to use me for a favor or entertain them. And when I try to strike up a conversation, it usually doesn't last long or they don't seem interested. So why would I even stick around people like that if all I am is to be asked for something? Seriously, when was I ever someone's charity case?

Then there's a lot of pressure going on in my own life. I'm possibly gonna fail my class if I'm not careful, I have yet to find a job in my shitty place of a hometown, my mother keeps pressuring me into things and when I ask for something, she makes it seem like an inconvenience. She possibly is gonna give me the cold shoulder this whole summer since I'm taking summer classes. I would think some people would ask if I needed any help or if they'd at least take the time to ask about my day. But actually, those people who actually care enough to ask me about that, are very few close friends. 


Finally, I always get the notion that my work isn't good enough for their pleasure. Or that it's just to satisfy their own usual fetishes. I wanted my story to be unique and inspire others to make their own stories to have a feel what it's like. And some actually do it....while others feel like they shouldn't even bother. Then there are some who actually question my decisions on how I write it. That its too cliche, that its a little too white and not enough black, that it's not even a good piece, that's poorly written, that it has things that makes them uncomfortable. My only response is...if your so displease by it, why the fuck are you even looking at them in the first place?

I hated to make this kind of journal, since I know I'm gonna be sending a lot of red flags to some people and possibly get trolled by others. But I felt that it was necessary. I'm already to the point where I'm possibly gonna snap and cuss out everyone right now. If you don't really care about me, ignore this journal. If you do, tell me why we are friends and why you care about me.

I don't really know who I can trust at this point. If it really comes down to it, and it turns out not to be worth it....I'll leave. I'll quit